How can I improve these two poems? - pinky film star website
First verse:
In love with you, I fell.
A float of hell.
Silent Dreams
Fantasies in my head.
Turn and bind.
You have thoughts of suicide
What happens to my reputation?
I'm not Cinderella
But I do not feel like a princess.
Why depressed?
I suppose you want to be true.
There is no reason to believe by that is not the impossible.
The rejection is a stylish prostitute cold heart.
It makes you slip and fall to the ground.
Beautiful and terrible.
Pinky promise on our hearts and hope to die.
Baby, let me wipe the tears when you cry,
and a smile on, it will be you.
Leave us a couple of happy memories
HD movie, and I hope for the Kodak moments.
Poem 2:
Picture perfect.
Fotogene face.
Dream fall into place.
Floating in grace.
The capture of meteors.
Fashion, Beauty Icon.
Vogue, Gucci, Prada.
Tell them if they.
Work.
Ramp for the photo shoot.
This seems perfect, honey.
A pose.
Flaunt her name.
I want to go now.
Do not settle for less.
Mine is the pretty face that you, in retrospect
on the cover of the magazine.
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Pinky Film Star Website How Can I Improve These Two Poems?
1 comment:
Some have suggested that UPS order and punctuation:
You love, I fell
and try to float in the hell.
Silent Dreams
are fantasies in my head.
Turn and with me.
You have thoughts of suicide
But what to call my neighborhood?
I'm not Cinderella
but I felt like a princess.
Why now, for me depressed?
I suppose you want to be true.
To fulfill the impossible.
The rejection, cold heart of the elegant prostitute.
Drag it down and then on the floor.
Beautiful and terrible.
Pinky Promise dying: cross our hearts to hope.
Baby, let me wipe the tears to cry
and not a smile you wish.
Let's make happy memories
Film and Kodak moments.
Poem 2:
Picture perfect.
Fotogene face.
Dream fall into place.
Floating in grace.
The capture of meteors.
Fashion, Beauty Icon.
Vogue, Gucci, Prada.
Tell them to use them.
Work.
Ramp for the photo shoot.
This seems perfect, honey.
A pose.
Flaunt her name.
I want to go very far.
Do not settle for less, all mine.
Mine is the pretty face looking at you,
Back from the magazine cover.
Good work, just you and best wishes.
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